45 Tips On How To Meet Women In Bookstores

Bookstores are one of my favorites for meeting smart and attractive women in a non-threatening environment. Mysteries, history, cookbooks, classic literature, travel, a buffet of potential common interests.

DON’T DO THIS IN A BOOKSTORE

1. Know your crowd. Slapping your thigh and shouting, Has Bill O’Reilly nailed these rotten socialists won’t go over well with someone wearing a Nancy Pelosi “She’s My Man” button
2. Squatting on the floor amid a pile of reading material suggests you have absolutely nowhere better to go, like to a job
3. Dropping muffin crumbs on books displays a lack of respect
4. Don’t discard a cook book with a sneer, That is not how you prepare goose
5. Avoid discount racks, shows you’re cheap — if you’re skimping on a book, why would she think you’ll take her somewhere nice when you go out?

HOWEVER, I RECOMMEND:

1. THE PROP!! Carry a couple intelligent novels around the store as if deciding which to purchase
2. We all have different interpretations of intelligent, somewhere between James Patterson and Theodore Dreiser. My personal favorite would be anything by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
3. If asked whether you’d read the book, I’m really looking forward to this, I haven’t read him in many years
4. If you’re in a decidedly liberal urban area, shake Sarah Palin’s book Who’d like to join me in a good book burning party?

TOP AREAS TO BROWSE

1. Travel books. Shows you like to take vacations. Thumb through a book of exotic locations, exclaiming Next summer, here I come
2. Cook books, duh, for those chilly nights when you concoct something together
3. Obscurity always works, like Peruvian Desserts in 20 Minutes
4. Grilling/barbecue books hint you might own a weekend getaway.
5. Popular fiction. Women buy the preponderance of fiction.
6. But are you buying a book for your girl friend?
7. No, you’re there to buy one for a woman colleague – can you recommend something?
8. Bicycling books are always a winner because biking connotes stopping overnight at an in of her choice
9. Children’s books. Um, MILF ring a bell?

Let’s not forget parks, filled with women in bare midriffs and shorts.

However, there are some don’ts:

1. Lingering 10 feet from a pretty girl exclaiming when will that rare red squirrel emerge?
2. Cheering loudly at an all-girls volleyball game, chanting jiggle jiggle jiggle
3. Setting up shop in a beach chair with binoculars under the guise of bird-watching
4. Plopping down next to a girl sunbathing and insisting you lost your grandfather’s antique ring at that exact spot
5. Dancing in gaudy West African costumes, especially if you’re a white guy
6. Retrieving a girl’s Frisbee and saying you’ll return it if she’ll guess what you’re thinking
7. Speedily riding a bicycle past a girl and shouting This way to Phoenix
8. Pausing by someone reading Moby Dick and claiming to be related to Herman Melville

What I do suggest is:

1. Bring a laptop and act as if you’re working on some important project, enabling you to break off concentration and make eye contact under the guise of thinking
2. Practice juggling, but not too well. This will earn you points for uniqueness without bordering on weird and might also get you a smile
3. Consider taking a young nephew/niece (or borrowing one) along as a prop to show your paternal side
4. Some yoga-like exercise where a girl might comment that she also practices
5. Grilling something unusual — guarantee some girl will wander past out of curiosity. They love when we cook!!

And of course, there is the old stand-by – doctors’ offices!

ADVANTAGES TO WAITING ROOM FLIRTATIONS

1. You demonstrate a sensitive side that isn’t only concerned with looks
2. You can imagine what she’ll look like when the swelling goes down and the stitches heal
3. You’re so confident of your own prognosis that you can concentrate on hers, which bespeaks a future where her interests predominate
4. She is in a vulnerable emotional place, making her susceptible to your charms
5. Plus an office is a contained area and she’ll probably not leave before her wound is cleaned just to avoid you

SOME DON’TS

1. On general principles, avoid a woman with any signs of pus
2. Don’t poke her awake if she’s passed out because the pain killers have worn off
3. Hitting on a girl who’s temporarily blind is a bit low, unless she is especially foxy
4. Never ask what’s wrong — ‘cause she might ask you and what if your ailments gross her out
5. Don’t make her talk after she’s had root canal
6. If she is talking, don’t say how cute, you sound just like Daffy Duck

SOME DOS

1. Criticizing insurance companies provides an acceptable common enemy and, if she is an apologist for an insurance company, do you really want anything to do with her?
2. Praise the doctor as someone you have long had great faith in, this way you can claim credit if she likes him
3. If she ultimately sues the doctor for malpractice, she will probably be too deformed for you to have any interest anyway

In addition to How to Find a Woman…Or Not, Gary Morgenstein’s books include the novels Loving Rabbi Thalia Kleinman, about a divorced man who falls in love with a beautiful woman rabbi; Jesse’s Girl, a powerful story about a father’s search for his adopted teenage son, and Take Me Out to the Ballgame, a political baseball thriller, as well as the baseball Rocky The Man Who Wanted to Play Center Field for the New York Yankees. His prophetic play Ponzi Man played to sell-out crowds at the New York Fringe Festival. He lives in Brooklyn, New York, surrounded by lots of books and rock and roll CDs.

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