Erin’s (Not So) Online Dating Files: The Power (Ballad) of Love

It’s surprising to me that more online dating sites don’t offer background music for user profiles.  (Or maybe they do.  The only online dating I do is gazing at my own Face Book profile pic from the imagined perspective of hypothetical suitors.)  The relationship between music and love – or more often music and infatuation — is undeniable.  I know people who have purged entire eras of music because it reminded them of someone who broke their heart.  Music skips right past formalities and triggers our primal brain – desire, need, hate, and fear.  I remember singing along to Nine Inch Nails “Closer” when I was fifteen.  I was hardly old enough to have experienced anything like what the lyrics describe (actually, I still haven’t) but the music evoked a feeling I would not have otherwise accessed: raw, animal desire.  Maybe “Closer” is a little too graphic for a dating profile, but get “Dream Weaver” playing while potential mates browse your About Me and they won’t be able to help but think, ‘soul mate.’  Or, ‘Wayne’s World.’  Either way, a positive association.

Rock and Roll has always been linked with sex.  And drugs I guess, but since one hit of pot has me rocking back and forth wishing my brain would get back to normal, I’m gonna skip that part.  Rock stars need only let their voice break at the right moment, and girls start throwing panties.  (Why does this happen?  Unless your mom sewed your number into the crotch the way she sewed your name in your collar for camp, that’s just lost underwear.)  The thing about rock lyrics, though, is they only work when sung.  Take for instance, the song “Green Eyes,” by Coldplay.  It sounds romantic.  Chris Martin has that throaty croon, that been-held-hostage-for-days-without-food-but-I-still-wrote-this-song thing.  Hear the lyrics in your head, but spoken, as if by, say, your 6^th grade math teacher or a Subway sandwich artist:  “Honey, you are a rock upon which I stand.”  (He’s walking all over you.)  “I came here with a load and it feels much lighter since I met you.”  (He sees you as his therapist.  Also, ‘load?’  Not exactly Shakespeare, Martin.)  Basically, when unsung, Chris is thankful he has found a doormat who makes him feel better about, well, just being him, gosh darn it.  Most rock lyrics, the ones we play over and over in times of heart break and woe, are actually completely unromantic when taken at face value.  For one thing, there’s a lot of, “I need,” in songs.  Starting every sentence with “I need,” or “I want,” doesn’t fly in real world relationships.  Unless you look like Jessica Alba or something.  But then, don’t you hear “Dream Weaver,” every time she’s around anyway which pretty much drowns out anything she says?

Hollywood movies rely heavily on music to convince an audience of romance.  A well-placed power ballad can disguise lackluster acting or terrible dialogue.  What would be two people staring at each other with looks of concentration or confusion suddenly becomes a “moment.”  If there’s not time to show us the evolution of a relationship, the romantic musical montage serves as a colorful replacement.  So often used, the musical montage is probably the reason people list ‘long walks on the beach,’ and ‘candlelit dinners,’ as their ideal romantic date settings.  In reality the falling in love part of the relationship tends to take place on the couch in front of the tv, the cheese section of Trader Joe’s, and the dingy back hallway of the bar.  But those locations are harder to set tunes to.

Much as I fantasize about my life being like a song or a movie, it’s probably better out here in the gray and grim that is real life.  There’s no chorus timed to play at the exact moment my lips meet his thus convincing me he’s my soul mate.  There’s no way to use a musical montage to skip over stupid texting jokes, IBS on the second date, and crying for no good reason in Olive Garden.  Cringe worthy as it all may be, that’s the good stuff.  If my life WAS a movie, those are the scenes the audience would want to see.   And in this world, if a guy says, “Thursday I don’t care about you.  It’s Friday I’m in love,” I walk away instead of swooning.  I guarantee you the girl behind that song was going through hell waiting for a text during the week.

Photo via gbrummett