HOLD ON TO LET GO

Okay so you’re probably wondering, who are you and why are you telling me how to date.  Well, let me just say, I am your dating shoulder to cry on, your rock of Gibraltar, your voice of reason.

I have been out there, got hooked, broke up and am back out there – dating is tough and it can leave scars.  And sometimes, those scars are so heinous that you don’t even want to take a chance and get back out there, bare those imprints of a past love for another to kiss and make it all better.

But, I’m here to tell you, getting back out there is the only thing to do.  You have to hold on to let go.

Sounds strange, and oddly like an oxymoron, but allow me to explain.

One of the best ways I was able to move past my last relationship – the one I was certain was going to be my Prince Charming and ride me away on a white horse to La La Land – was to keep holding onto the belief that there is someone else out there for me.  I had to hold onto that idea, to let this one go.

I would never have been able to move on until I was ready to accept the idea that there was someone else better for me; that this one was not right and I couldn’t keep running back to him.  Each time I’d try, I’d meet someone and instantly compare him to my ex, be gravely disappointed and ultimately find myself at four a.m. and he in my bed.

The cycle continued for months and finally, I realized things needed to change.  He was getting everything, and I was getting nothing.  Not my ex back, not a relationship and not even the chance to explore anyone new.

So, I just stopped – I ended the cycle of denial and raw wounds being salted by late-night calls.  I opened myself up to the idea that maybe things aren’t working with my ex (or with my new prospective suitors) because I was holding onto the wrong thing. I was holding onto a relationship that no longer existed and resigned myself to this being all I deserved.  I should have held onto the fairytale – the idea that there is someone there that will make you feel like a Princess; I should have held onto the idea that there is someone out there for me, and he isn’t an ex.

So, we spoke about making a decision – this could no longer continue, I wanted it all or nothing.  I got nothing – so I let go. I let go of my ex, let go of feeling unworthy of true love, I let go of three years of my life.

It’s a scary feeling, almost like being on a trapeze for the first time, where you have to let go of the bar holding you to your past relationship, free fall for a moment, but ultimately be rescued by the next bar of hope.

Hope, love for yourself and belief that through it all this only makes you stronger and ready for the one, the real one, the one who should have been there all along.

I held onto that idea, and let him go and now I can pass on my lemons for you to make some lemonade…and…maybe with a little vodka