As someone who has devoted much of her life to keeping the love alive in a failing relationship, I wish I would have cut my losses and severed the last cord of desperation holding my ex and me together.

Initially, meeting someone should incite a feeling of excitement, thrills that tickle from your eyes tearing from laughter, to your toes curling with passion. But there is a distinct difference between love and lust, and sometimes those two very basic human emotions can become conflated and keep you in a “goodbye” situation.

If you find yourself feeling like you want to spend every minute with the person, like a drug that leaves you so high after a dose of an hour, a day, or a weekend together, chances are this is a feeling of lust.  I say this simply because, once you leave this person, once separation ensues, your body will after sometime, or immediately, be craving that person, you’ll need another fix.

Now, this is perfectly acceptable in the beginning, oftentimes, this is named the “honeymoon stage” however, if after six months, and yes, six months, this is how it is, the relationship is not progressing and the fire will burn out.

A true relationship survives on more than just a drug-like interaction; there must be appreciation, support and genuine trust.  These are qualities that require time to develop, and thus, six months is usually a good gauge of where your relationship is heading.  It has been my experience that a relationship isn’t truly a relationship until the six month stage, everything before then is like the first trimester of pregnancy: uncertain.

But say you’ve gotten past the six-month mark, the “honeymoon stage” has evolved into a loving marriage of your two unique selves, and this is the beginning of a real romance rivaling that of fairytales.

But suddenly, the calls are less frequent, perhaps he, or you are more interested in maintaining a successful friendship with someone else, or focusing on your career…whatever the reason, you or he are beginning to pull away.  The fights that were once cute bickering, have actually become concerns of the relationships direction.

You try to re-ignite the lust that once pulled you both together like moths to a flame, that passion that made you want to jump of the highest mountain exclaiming your love’s name for the world to hear – but, not being able to differentiate between love and lust is a major relationship toxin.  Fact is, relationships evolve because people change – and holding onto something that once made you smile, is no guarantee that it will forever.

Perhaps there wasn’t enough time to develop trust, yet the freedom associated with trusting someone, was given, and now has become sources of jealousy.  Relationships fail for any reason, and they are usually slow.  One small thing builds up and eventually resentment develops and before you even realize it, the love you had for this person has been replaced with questions.

I’m here to tell you that, once relationships begin to change, and you and your partner do not change with it or do not change together; your relationship is forever changed.  No matter how much time you spend with the person, how much you love the person, how much you believe this is the end all be all of your significant other: it may be time to cute the cord.

It took me a long time to learn, to realize and accept this, but at the end of the day, if you do not go to bed happy with how you’ve spent your day, or how you feel – you need to re-assess the source of that stress.

Being a wise and astute dater will ensure that your selections online will only lead to the right person and not to someone that is just a lesson to be learned, a past-time, a friend in the bed.

Protect yourself from the “goodbye” situation by learning the simple poker rule: when to fold ‘em and when to hold ‘em, you’ll thank me one day.