The Worst Things to Say to a Woman
Women are definitely the more emotionally complex (or, as my fiancé would say, “crazy”) of the sexes. We often ask loaded questions, expecting you to respond a certain way. Then, when you don’t, it makes us question the depth of the relationship and whether you actually “know” us. We realize this is kind of ridiculous given that the right answer one day could be the wrong one the next day; it’s really a matter of the specific factors at play. Because of this, this article is not going to tell you how to respond, it’s going to tell you how not to respond. Regardless of the situation, the following responses are guaranteed to land you in the doghouse instead of in her bed.
The Question: Do I look fat in this?
| Response: “Yes.” | Explanation: While we appreciate your honesty, this is a bit too honest. You’ll have to produce one hell of a drachenfutter to offset this one! The pressure on women to be thin can cause serious psychological harm, so be sure to sugar coat your honesty. |
| Response: “You’ve been heavier” | Explanation: Do not compare us to another woman, even a former version of ourselves. |
| Response: “I like to have something to hold onto” (followed by a wink) | Explanation: Applause to you for being so cute, but some women will take this the wrong way and become insecure in the bedroom, which makes sex fun for no one. While this is definitely not the worst thing you could say, you could simply leave it at “I think you look great.” |
The Question: What do you want to do tonight?
| Response: “Whatever you want to do.” | Explanation: We like a man with an opinion; decisiveness is sexy. If we wanted a tag-a-long we’d ask a friend… or bring the dog. |
| Response: “Nothing.” | Explanation: Do you really mean nothing? We’re sure you’ll do something, even if it’s sitting on the couch watching TV. Bring us into the equation by saying something like: “Let’s snuggle on the couch and catch up on our DVR’ed shows.” |
| Response: “Go out with the guys.” | Explanation: This is a perfectly fine response as long as you haven’t led us to believe we were spending the night together. Give some warning about a guy’s night if it falls on a day we usually hang out. |
The Question: Do you think [insert a friend] is cute?
| Response: “Not as cute as you.” | Explanation: Remember, comparison = bad, especially if it is to someone we’re close with. What if we secretly think she’s heinous? Then, when you say “not as cute as you,” it makes it sound like a tight race. Get it? |
| Response: “Yuck, no!” | Explanation: Girls tend to see the best in their girlfriends. This will without a doubt lead to an argument in which you dig your own grave by continuing to point out her less-than-stellar attributes. |
| Response: “For a heavy girl, sure.” | Explanation: Try not to qualify, especially by weight. It makes us think you do this to us; every insecurity flies through our heads: “For a big-nosed girl,” “For a flat-chested girl,” “For an ethnic girl,” etc. |
The Question: What are you thinking right now?
| Response: “Nothing.” | Explanation: Though this may be true, this question is usually a sign that we want you to open up. Even if you don’t want to open up on the spot (because you’re watching a game or reading the paper), say something like, “Nothing really important. We can talk at dinner.” Even if you don’t end up talking at dinner, this shows that you understand the importance of emotional openness in the relationship, which is really what we’re concerned about. As natural caregivers, we constantly want to make sure you’re OK, and as a couple, that we’re OK. |
| Response: “Honestly? I’m thinking about how much I hate when you ask what I’m thinking about.” | Explanation: We know you dislike this question, but again, we’re asking it because we think something may be bothering you and want to help. Because we usually have your best interest at heart, this reaction can be hurtful. Plus, in our defense, you get mad when we expect you to read our mind, but you shy from any opportunity to exchange thoughts. This confuses the heck out of us. |
| Response: “Why Dwayne Wade just passed the ball instead of pulling up for an open jumper.” | Explanation: Though you’re probably saying this because 1) it’s actually on your mind and 2) you have trouble focusing on more than one thing at a time, it can be read as a total blow off. Remind us that you (like most men) are not a great multi-tasker, by responding with something like, “I’m really into this game and bad at holding a conversation while I watch. Can we chat later so that I can give you my full attention?” Again, a commitment to communication may be all she wanted, so keep in mind that this does not necessarily commit you to a two hour gab fest. |
Men can’t express themselves
There are fundamental differences between men and women which can often lead relationships to break apart. However, these differences will come in one form or another. Overtime, you will eventually have to learn how to deal with these differences as they are not going to disappear. One of these problems is how men communicate. 7 out of 10 times, a man will be a horrible communicator. He will be unable to express what he feels and he will never carry out things like you do or how you want him to carry them out.
So what counts? On dating sites there are a lot of great guys but how can you tell if he will really pull through for you in the end. Often, after a while of dating on a dating site you will exchange emails and even telephone numbers. This is a nice way to get to know each other and to hear their voice. Through the voice you can often hear and feel a person’s concern which is very important when you are setting up the initial foundations for your relationship.
It may seem that all hope is lost when your dating sites guy seems to get upset with you for whatever reason. He may stop calling and emailing you. But if you show concern for him there is a chance that he will come back but the best way to know whether this guy is a good one is if he comes through for you. The bad part about this situation is that something mildly bad that upsets you has to happen. If you call him and leave a message telling him that you are really sick or something has happened in your family, only a good guy who truly cares for you will call you back and begin to spark the relationship back up.
Sometimes guys get frustrated and because they are unable to normally communicate their feelings they shun away from the situation until he can cool off. However, he will put aside his feelings for you if he knows that you are in some sort of danger or if he knows that in this moment you really need him. In this way you can tell easily if your dating site’s guy is right for you and is a guy who really cares.
Photo via cjuderock
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