Interview: Abiola Abrams, the Love Concierge from AbiolaTV.com

Abiola Abrams is a multimedia journalist and relationship expert. She has authored books, plays and advice columns. In addition, she has also been featured on many T.V. shows for NBC, HBO, BET and MTV. Nothing stops this lifestyle passionista. She constantly spreads advice and knowledge to all her fans through her blog and talk show. Abiola’s upcoming book, The Official Bombshell Handbook, will be making it’s way to bookshelves soon! DatingSite.org is lucky to have caught the ever active Abiola Abrams for an interview about life, dating and relationships.

1. How did you get involved in the business of love and relationship advice?

My mess is my message. I firmly believe that we teach what we most need to learn. I have been through it all. I have been in a 10 year relationship, I’ve been in a quickie starter marriage, I have been cheated on and been a mistress. I have many love and empowerment lessons to share.

I’ve spent the last 10 years using media to inspire women. My first professional work when I graduated from college was an off Broadway play that I wrote named “Goddess City” about women searching for personal power. Then I was a correspondent and host for a number of TV shows for NBC, HBO and BET. While I was on BET I started doing an advice column for the urban paper “Rolling Out” and created an advice podcast named The Goddess Factory based on the questions women sent me. In addition to Simon and Schuster publishing my hip hop love story “Dare.” I also directed an award-winning feminist erotica film for women named “Afrodite Superstar.”

While I was hosting a short film competition show for the network BET, VH1 contacted me and told me about their new show “Tough Love.” Since I was always talking about my recent breakup on my BET show, they thought I’d be perfect. I did the show although I had a boyfriend at the time thinking it would be great research for my advice column and a good way to publicize my book. When “Tough Love” began to I was overwhelmed by the response of women who got in touch because they related to my “Miss Picky” character on the show and were in need of real help and relationship advice.

2. You’ve been featured in a great number of magazines and blogs. How did you go about making a name for yourself? What do you offer that no one else does?

To put it most simply, I walk my talk. Because I am a love columnist and lifestyle correspondent, I have been called Carrie Bradshaw meets Oprah Winfrey but I assure you that I am distinctly the loud, brazen, fun, geeky, sexy chick known as Abiola Abrams! (laughs) I have no desire to be anyone else but me.

My approach is about Living With PPHJF, Passion, Pleasure, Happiness, Joy and Fun. Women have a right to pleasure. I offer 3 things that no other dating expert offers.

1. I offer Love Concierge services. This includes virtual and telephone coaching as a Bombshell Mentor, but also Bombshell and Boudoir Makeovers, Wingwoman services, Dating Profile Revamps, Sexy Toy and Lingerie Recommendations and more.

2. My new book is named “The Official Bombshell Handbook” and I teach women how to BYOB, Be Your Own Bombshell. I have a related online course called “Abiola’s Bombshell Academy” and give speeches on empowerment everywhere from colleges to women’s groups.

3. Transparency. Most experts keep their personal snafus to themselves. Thus, you don’t know if the person you’re taking advice from goes home and argues with their spouse all night, is hated by their relatives or what. Through my books, blogs, TV appearances and web series, my readers and viewers know exactly who I am and where I am coming from.

My audience includes women and men of all backgrounds but this is critical for me as an African American Lifestyle Expert. The reason is that there has been an all out media assault against single, black women with outlets from “Nightline” to “Psychology Today” insinuating that black women are less appealing and destined to die alone. I am a curvy, dark-skinned black woman and I have so many men wanting to be my life partner that I am able to be branded with the nickname “Miss Picky.” I am desirable and madly in love with myself and you can be too.

3. What are some of the most common questions you get about relationships and what are the answers?

I host a weekly lifestyle web TV show called “Abiola’s Kiss and Tell TV” which you can watch on YouTube, iTunes or my blog,  Viewers send me love and lifestyle advice questions about everything from what to wear on a first date to how to be a better kisser.

Here are 5 common love advice questions and links to my answers on video:

a- Many women ask, how can I feel better about myself in the bedroom?
Answer link: Bombshell Sex Advice: Make Love Like a Porn Star!? – Abiola’s Bombshell Academy Day #26

b- I am “The Breakup Whisperer” so a question I get a lot is “How Do I Get Over A Breakup?”
Answer link: How to Get Over a Breakup

c- People also ask, “Can I Trust This Person?”
Answer link: Can I Trust HIM or HER Not to Break My Heart? Love Advice

d- Many people ask me for discrete vibrator advice.
Answer Link: Vibrators! How to Introduce Sex Toys to Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend; Abiola’s Advice

e- I also field many advice questions about interracial dating.                                 Answer Link: Interracial Dating Advice With Diane Farr; Kissing Outside the Lines

4. What are some of the common mistakes you see people making that keep them single?

The first mistake is that people think that there is something wrong with being single. Single is not a disease to be cured. If you think that being with you is so miserable, why would anyone else want to spend time in your company?

When you are dating with a sense of desperation you repel instead of attracting what you want.The life that you have right now is a reflection of what you think of yourself. Work on being the best person you can be before even looking for love. If you are looking for the total package, you have to first be the total package.

5. What tips would you give someone who is thinking about joining an online dating site to look for love?

First of all, good for you for taking your relationship destiny in your own hands. Make sure that you have a recent photo, taken within the past few months. You don’t want to show up looking totally unlike the person that you are presenting. Also, answer whatever matching and personality questions that the site asks honestly. Be who you really are, not who you wish you were. I would also advise that you make sure that you are on the correct dating site for the kind of relationship you want. Are you seeking long term love or just a fun fling? There are also great niche sites for everyone from foodies to Christian daters. Only deal with local people to avoid fraudulent profiles. If you need help with creating a profile that gets results, get in touch.

6. On your press page you quote yourself as saying “I use pop culture to remind people to love themselves already…” Can you explain that further? How can pop culture be used to empower people?

I use pop culture as a teaching tool. If Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian or another pop culture figure is making a relationship mistake, then I can use them as an example since people feel like they relate to them. So I’ll write an article as I did for my Yahoo Shine love column called “5 reasons not to get married: Kim Kardashian’s divorce as a cautionary tale.”

7. Inspired by Oprah’s No Phone Zone Pledge, you have started the Cover Your Bone Zone Safe Sex Pledge. You mention in the intro that one of the leading causes of death for women in their 20s and 30s is HIV/AIDS. Why do you think the preventable disease is so prevalent when protection is available?

To put it most simply, having sex without condoms feels spontaneous and more pleasurable. However, having a deadly disease is not pleasurable. It would be hard to come across someone with AIDS, HIV or another sexually transmitted disease who thought that something like that would ever happen to them. The thing is that we are all one decision away from contracting a preventable disease. Be smart and take care of yourself. Safe sex is an act of self-love.

8. How effective has your pledge been? What kind of feedback have you gotten?

The Safe Sex Pledge has been incredibly successful. I have no way of knowing what people do in their individual bedrooms but I’ve gotten great feedback from everyone who has encountered the pledge. This is really important because in addition to being a Teen Dating Empowerment Coach on the MTV docu-series “Made” I give lifestyle advice to younger women with my dating column on a teen site.

The only person who refused to take my Safe Sex Pledge was the rapper Ludacris, and that’s only because he was joking about having his lawyer look over it! (laughs)

9. Lastly, what is your favorite part of your career as a media personality, author, film maker and love adviser?

My favorite part is the people. I love people and their stories. I love giving a voice to the voiceless and shining a spotlight on taboos. I love learning and teaching. This year I interviewed a range of luminaries about love and lifestyle including Kimora Lee Simmons, Ludacris, Barbara Carrellas, Jackie Collins, Kandi Burruss, Anna David, Isaiah Mustafa, Doug E. Doug and Jill Scott. How fabulous to share theories and thoughts about love, lifestyle and radical self-love with such diverse thinkers! I love my job.

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Find more about Abiola Abrams at on twitter @abiolatv, youtube.com/planetabiola, abiolatv.tumblr.com, facebook.com/abiolatv or The Passionista Playbook Blog at AbiolaTV.com.