Interview: Nole Biderman of Ashleymadison.com

Nole Biderm
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Nole Biderman is the CEO of Avid Life Media, which owns AshleyMadison.com – a website for married people seeking to have an affair. Earning praise and criticism alike, the site currently boast over 11 million members. Biderman has been featured on The Huckabee Show, The View, DatingSite.org, The Tyra Banks Show and many others.

What gave you the idea to start Ashley Madison?

I started Ashleymadison.com in 2002 after reading a study citing that 30% of men on traditional dating sites were married and lying to the women about it. I saw there was a demand for a service where people could be honest with each other about their marital status and find like-minded people in similar situations.

Image from AshleyMadion Blog

There are a few other affair websites out there, but yours seems to be the one that received all the publicity – good and bad. What is it that makes Ashley Madison unique among other avenues people use to have affairs?

We invented the vertical. Comparing impostor sites to Ashleymadison is like comparing a karaoke singer to Dianna Ross. Our depth of products from our credit model, fantasy date, iPhone app, panic button and complete delete were designed over a decade-long effort thinking about how to help our users avoid digital lipstick and through millions of dollars in investment.

What are some of the most surprising positive and negative comments you have received in regards to your site?

I receive thank you letters daily from people who tell me that this service has saved their marriage. On the negative side, we receive a lot of criticism, but in many cases the loudest critics are protesting too much to hide their own true feelings. Right-wing politicians espouse family values and invariably get caught up in cheating scandals of their own.

Image from AshleyMadison Blog

What types of people tend to be attracted to your site? Can you describe a ‘perfect candidate’ for your site?

Infidelity is something that spans all walks of life. Our members are tired of living in sexless marriages, but they also realize that sex is not everything. They aren’t looking to change their marital situation, but they are human beings with human desires.

Do you feel like you are encouraging affairs? Why or why not?

No. Infidelity existed before Ashleymadison.com, and it will continue long after we are gone. A 30 second commercial is not going to convince someone to cheat. I just give them a platform to do so safely, an alternative to a risky office romance or a messy affair with someone who doesn’t understand.

Image from AshleyMadison Blog

I watched you on The Huckabee Show where you described you site as a marriage preservation tool for some people. Can you describe this concept further? Just how can this save a marriage?

Marriage is about more than just sex. If you ask most married people, sex is not the most important thing in their marriage. It’s not number two or number three either. We’re a marriage preservation tool because we give people an outlet to fulfill their natural, human desires while remaining in their relationship. Should parents have to sacrifice their marriage in order to have their sexual needs met?

Why do people feel the need to have an affair?

Everyone’s reason for having an affair are their own. The typical Ashleymadison.com member is content in their marriage in all areas but sexually. They don’t want to leave their marriage, but they don’t want to spend the next few decades abstinent either.

What advice do you have for a married person who is thinking about having an affair?

I think people should exhaust all avenues with their spouse first, but if they are not willing to communicate or compromise, it is unrealistic to expect them to give up their sex lives because of another person’s decision.

See the full fact sheet about infidelity at the Ashley Madison Blog